the flaneur
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CUMBRIA, 1983 I With a lesson dormant for once, the mind in its relief visits places seen long ago, in a place still more remote than that region itself, scorned by bus, rail and money, forever lost somewhere between the motorway and a coast of rust, bulging into the Irish sea, like a growth from Sellafield. It is - this lost region - a place of dark waters showing dark skies, of forests, of tarns on hilltops; the wind among the grey rushes; the sole sound a kestrel’s screech; with the town as distant as this memory of mine is from the present; a cloud, darker than all the rest, scudding westwards like an emblem of all that was there and is lost. II The steel mills, with their gates like mouths empty of any teeth, showed me a town inaptly named, and, God, even tumbleweed in the street, like something out of an Oakie’s memory, floated across cobbles begrimed by soot from the same closed places whose denizens, whether workers in mills or underground the Irish sea, clicked in hobnails down streets of dole, past me and shops with sodden boards for windows, past weird woods with railway workings filthy and soiled amid all that green, past me, past a tattered poster showing a distant bitch in pearls, past bus stops of solitude, where Glaswegians heading south raged, past poachers with their catch, past me..... III Memory’s most precious present, because most vivid if hateful, sits in his room, far from Workington, in a valley of lakes and grey skies, his hands soft and waxen after their vaseline as if to savour his knuckles’ force on my mother’s lower jaw some time at night while we abed lie like cowards, trying to dream. A fluke to say the very least - this stepfather who forgot his own age but could just recollect his days in the French Foreign Legion and some business in Las Vegas with brothers as mad as he; this stepdad both nuts and demented who taught me the pathos of adult men, sobbing at breakfast, his vaselined hands resting useless and astringent.
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the flaneur
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